Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
