I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
