soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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