i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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