he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
