i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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