Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
