I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We left the knife in your bed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
