someone threw a dead crab at me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
