I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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