At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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