new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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