So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish my penis had a tongue
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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