There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
