A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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