I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
