I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
