I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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