My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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