No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
