hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
