yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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