I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
