There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
organizing the empties. That sober.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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