What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
