The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
