We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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