Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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