It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My nipple is on Facebook.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
