I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
