I cannot find my penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
