wat bout pragnant strippers??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
