Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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