I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
