My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
