I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
