are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
