I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
