Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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