did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
