It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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