Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
