Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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