So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
