I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
