I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
