he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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