we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
