dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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