i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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