I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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