I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
