Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
