yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
