Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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