That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
