I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
