just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
